Thursday, February 1, 2007

10 Reasons NOT to get married

Posted by Double Y at 1:53 PM
I posted 50+ reasons why you should say "i do". Here's another list on why you shouldnt:

This list is for those who are still undecided and Ive added some comments of my own..

read on:

1.Love at first sight seems like a romantic reason for marriage, but it’s not a good predictor of marital success. Such feelings alone provide a weak foundation for a long-lasting relationship.
--> This is for those who have the "gold fish" attitude. You know for those people who feel inlove for a time but will change their mind quickly after seeing "another someone" who they think is better than their current find.

2.Rebounding also hinders the chances for marital longevity. People fall in love more easily when they’re on the rebound. Research has found that people suffer low self-esteem after a breakup and are far less discriminating in choosing a partner because they are trying to cope with their loss.
--> "panakip-butas" syndrome. Often enough, some of us try to find comfort after a break up by getting into another relationship. This is a form of escape from getting hurt and hoping that the rebound person will be able to fill up the emptyness left by the previous relationship.

3.Rebellion leads some into a marital mismatch. Getting even with parents, for example, by marrying someone they do not like is always costly. As with marriage on the rebound, the wedding is a response to someone else rather than to one’s partner.

4.Loneliness can drive a person into a hasty marriage. The problem with this motivation is the lonely people will end up lonely in marriage if the relationship doesn’t have much more of a foundation to stand on.
--> True enough, no man is an Island. But its not a reason for you to go marry someone whom you just met and hope that your whirlwind romance will last.

5.Obligation sometimes substitutes for love when considering marriage. Some partners marry because one of them feels too guilty to break it off. A woman who marries a man because she believes her loyal devotion will help him quit drinking and live up to his potential could be an example of this. Such marriages often don’t work.
--> Ive read somewhere that if youre current beau has bad habits when you were still dating, dont expect them to be a changed man after marriage coz that simply is not the case.

6.Financial advancement is a marriage motivator for some. Many young divorced mothers consider remarriage because they are exhausted from the struggle of supporting and caring for their small children. Men, too, can marry to advance their careers. The person going into marriage for economic reasons, however, is not a likely candidate for marrying well.
--> I know some girls who married someone just because they are rich and can give them whatever they want. Money isnt everything.

7.Sexual attraction and guilt over sexual involvement are popular but weak reasons for marriage. Sex is not a sufficient reason to marry and seldom leads to lifelong happiness. In fact, the sexual chemistry between two people often blinds the partners to important relational qualities.

8.Premarital pregnancy is a growing problematic reason for marriage, and a great deal of research has identified a consistent relationship between it and divorce. Ironically, teenage women who marry to avoid single parenthood often become single parents after all. It is difficult to be encouraging about young, pregnancy-inspired marriages, and some churches have been reluctant to sanction them unless the young couple is unusually mature.
--> This is a common mistake that we Filipinas commit. Out of shame, you marry the person who got you pregnant eventhough you know it wont work out. Or worse, marry someone whom is not the father of your kid in the hopes of saving you.

9.Escape is perhaps the most damaging motivation for marriage. Some people marry to escape an unhappy home situation, but hoping a new person or a new environment will be better is a terrible basis for marriage. Usually the person who marries to escape will eventually “escape” one marriage for another and then another.
--> Same as number 1, you feel that your current life is not working the way you wanted it so you jumped into another relationship in the hopes that you'll be satisfied and contented with your choice.

10.Pressure from parents, peers, and society pushes some singles into marriage.
--> same with number 8.

My upcoming marriage is 5 years in the making and I can say that these 10 points doesnt apply to us.So bit of advice to those who are planning to say I do and profess their undying love, think twice before you commit to anything. Been there, done that is all I can say.

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